Tuesday Trivia

Quotes-
1. My girlfriend always laughs during sex — no matter what she's reading. ~ Steve Jobs

2. Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone I love. ~ Woody Allen

3. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. ~ Tom Clancy

4. You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. ~ Steve Martin

5. There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. ~ Lynn Lavner

6. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ~ George Burns

7. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. ~ Woody Allen

8. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. ~ Sharon Stone

9. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal

10. According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. ~ Robert De Niro

11. There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? ~ Dustin Hoffman

12. There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

13. Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. ~ Woody Allen

14. I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes. ~ Anonymous

15. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner, Tin Cup

16. I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. ~ Anonymous

17. Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex. ~ Geoff Spear

18. For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches. ~ Stacy Nelkin

19. The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes. ~ Scott Roeben

20. Nothing makes you forget about love like sex. ~ Staci Beasley

22. I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading. ~ Anonymous

23. Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression. ~ Faye Wattleton

24. There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be. ~ Norman Mailer

25. If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right. ~ Anonymous

26. I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible. ~ Leslie Nielsen

27. I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me. ~ Scott Roeben

28. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. ~ Robin Williams

29. An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. ~ Aldous Huxley

30. It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom. ~ Joan Rivers

31. If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

32. Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin

33. My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'. ~ Emo Philips

34. When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better. ~ Mae West

35. What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap. ~ James Agate

36. I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though. ~ Elton John.

37. My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. ~ Les Dawson

38. I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. ~ Woody Allen

39. A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing. ~ Phyllis Diller

40. The Love Bird is 100% faithful to his mate, as long as they are locked together in the same cage. ~ Will Cuppy

41. Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. ~ Woody Allen

42. My best birth control now is to leave the lights on. ~ Joan Rivers

43. It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. ~ Marylyn Munroe.

45. Oh Lord give me chastity, but do not give it yet. ~ St Augustine

46. The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. ~ Honore de Balzac

47. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. ~ Woody Allen

48. Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure. ~ Bob Hope

49. I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women. ~ Bernard Manning.

50. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. ~ Joan Rivers

New Years Resolutions… I’m Dead Otherwise

Somewhere, I think between Christmas ham with scalloped potatoes and New Year’s Eve alcohol excess, we dream up promises of banal changes to our lives. This is doable, as if a thought will halt my six decades of eating palatable food in favor of safer cardboard can be accomplished on January 01 in the midst of a hangover. Cream the butter and dream on, MacDuff.

But somehow the reaper, Old Man, snuck into my particular comedy and juiced the bouncer. No sooner have I metaphorically licked the final Christmas card stamp for the happy greetings card and annual letter then Old Man plays a dirty trick. There is little more convincing support for a life change, than a life change.

Why can quitting a bad habit spawn a rash of co-morbidities?

Why are Stockings Sexy?

Horse Latitudes

"All our lives we sweat and save, building for a shallow grave."

Update: December 2010

I've not posted for a while. It doesn't bother me and, no one has suffered; so many out there are frantic for daily posts.  Relax.  This is supposed  to be fun and entertaining.  I've spent my time cruising Blogdom, and poking my nose into other things. It's what I do when I put on my hiking shoes.

I've been busy adding windows to my peeping route.  The lights and shades have dimmed in so many.  One of my most favored rebald ladies has probably faded from her acerbic position as celebrant of lard.  Another is fluttering good-byes from the stern railing--my first blogworld friend--a flower now changing; or, she's dumping her spent stems. The new and brightening windows are a strange lot, although promising to be exciting adventures. 

A couple new windows to this blog have been favored haunts longer than R&R. One is a dynamo of energy. This lady is a mover and a shaker. Damn, you gotta experience her computer chair manners to understand.  It took some time to place a mouth and face to her name--and a name to her pseudonym--but it was probably the most enjoyable "scavanger hunt" I've experienced.  She is not as shy as the 'Belle', but to know me is to know that I am the world's worst gossip, so discover her yourself.

Another blogger posts erratically now.  That's not to say her posts are erratic, however. This girl knows a man's deepest fears and fantasies. She's so good I hesitate to trust her penned gender.  She is not Alexa--that poor, overpriced whore.

TRPD was hit with a sidewinder missle almost on the same day as her announced #1 position for Sex Blogger of 2010. She/he is still on my 'window' list but I doubt a second rebirth will happen.  It's crazy, but the bitch has been on my radar since day one; that's several names ago. I am sure that my hook will snag her next incarnation.  Her psyche has a deep void to fill that darning or cake decorating as self entertainment can never accomplish.

One thing that I do, and I don't see in other bloggers, is simple wipe-out of posts.  If it bothers me, my sensitivities, I clear the sucker away. I like my present position and blog name. I don't feel like abandoning it, even if military stumble in. Yet.

Wish I had a typist....

House cleaning

I cleaned house. Dusted, and threw-out the bric-a-brac of this blog. Saved what grabs my heart strings, and dump the remainder--it's not a diary, just some time; and, drafts.

Fall does this to me. The season cleans the summer build-up and casts away old and flawed to be recycled. Wind carries summer away and brings in another season. Fall reminds me so much of movement, so much of changes.

It's time to reassess priorities, and strap on the hiker shoes.

Rev. 11-20-2010

I Voted Today, but Elections are Postponed for More Advertising Income

We get to vote in the comfort of our own homes, now.  Everyone. I've done it for years, "absentee".

This year, completing the ballot was a delightful and exhausting experience! While I filled in the boxes she told me to with a pen in my mouth (full ligature), Mistress flipped the card to the back, and cleaned away messy drool and snot.

It would be nice to think the voting torture was all done, but realize I have to endure another week of phone-mail-internet-and-TV-"Hate-Hell". I spend a lot of my leisure looking at my email, now--imagine ... no spam, there.

>>> ....buzzzzzzz ... We interrupt this mundane, poor income program for the following news regarding :::: ....

However, there is a case before the Supreme Court to legalise Spam, so $$Dollar$$ Candidates (industries and business) can plumb that market vehicle, too.

Both major political parties agreed to pool legal expenses to challenge the "No Spam" barrier. Each party recognises a clearly beneficial outcome for the additional advertising market. The parties were successful in postponing the mid-term elections so the "No Spam" challenge could be heard and therefore cash-in on windfall profits when the Court overturns e-Mail Spam political advertising barriers.

The arguments to be presented to the Court are: One, Spam has the same rights as people, and business [business clarified as legally "people", too]. Second, Spam has been kicked around as bad, and not even healthful as dog food. And, since people won't be allowed to go camping in the near future (where Spam is consumed) because all public land is to be sold to draw-down the national debt ... it's critical to maintain vital American businesses; especially one that just last week changed its image and is moving from beer-and-spaghetti-puke yellow (Fall colors) to eco-Green, due to reduced sodium content that will kill people an astounding 1/3 less quickly.

The anticipated benefits to opening Spam to advertising dollars and improved consumption will be an additional 25 millon jobs ... WHICH everyone knows is far more important than any longterm, or short, hazards  and damage to environment, people, or aligned Industry.  The 100 {sic. 100,000, ed.} jobs presently held in blocking Spam will benefit from tax dollars to retrain as advertisers, and soup-line workers.

WE ALL WANT JOBS, DON"T We?
Back to regular programming.....

One benefit of early voting: I don't have to hang up the phone in the middle of a volunteer's sentence. I can interrupt and tell them: "I voted for the candidate with the fewest, least obnoxious advertisements." Does anyone remember when they called to remind you just to vote? Or, offer unconditional transportation to the polls?

Next election, I'm only going to vote for the unchallenged judges. I've ignored marking/punching their slots since the second time I ever voted. And, Fred Ziffel may come out of retirement to challenge everyone as a write-in.

Signed,
Rebellious Voter

PS. Mistress has promised to complete her ballot on my back using a tattoo needle.