Friday, January 28, 2011

Rum and .... Cuba libre

I like my rum! It all started at bamboo Bob's 'Bamboo Barn' on Lake Chatcolette, Id. (That's a few  hairpin turns west of St. Maries, ID.) Unfortunately, the Bamboo Barn is gone. But, they made the best cube a' libra. Here's the recipe...

Cuba libre
One tall narrow glass filled with ice.
1 shot light rum
1 shot dark rum
1 shot Lemon Hart rum
1 twist of lime (about the size of 1/4 nut of male)
Balance, Coca Cola.
3 should send you over the edge. Stay away from any boats on lake Coeur d' elene after 3 of these drinks.
(note, I have mispelled every workd of this recipe . )  God, Im drunk....
For those beyond the above chef-fery, the following works wonders--it's what got me drunked. :

Short, squat, 8 or 10 oz. glass (easier to pour stuff into) filled with ice.
      (Smaller hands will prefer a skinnier glass. Just use slightly more than one shot of rum.)
Lime section, squeezed over ice. (Lime is cut into six sections.)
Rum* drizzled over lime, to 1/3 ht. of glass. Half-height is easier to measure.
Balance, Coca Cola drizzled over lime. (About 4oz. - 6oz.)

*Gosling's Black Seal. It has a seal balancing a wood barrel--the kind of seal that sits on flippers, and barks. I've tasted and drank bottles, and bottles of rum. I do like the barrel tossing seal, for both coke and straight. It is the best all round, and mid-pricing slips it into all around good rum perfectly.

New Header Image

It just occured to me that I am part of a world community. 

It is mid-winter here on the west coast of US and Canada, but I rarely see snow, or frost, or even something heavier than a light jacket.  However, we get plenty of rain. One spot west of me gets over 300-inches of rain, annually--a temperate rainforest.

So, in honor of all the Ozzies surfing to work now, on this beautiful summer day, I give you an Atlantic winter storm ...


Saturday, January 22, 2011

No Thanks. You Know the Rule

You know the rule. The one that says: “Nobody wants to see a picture of your dick on the internet, so keep it to yourself.”  Well, I've turned over a new leaf. No more male meat from me ... on my blog. It's kind of uncomfortable to exhibit, anyway.  Public bathroom courtesy, and all. You know...

I hesitate to bring this up, because far too many guys already think their junk is a special exception. Clue: IT IS NOT.

I think I may have found an exception, however. I’m not really qualified to say, but ... never mind.  Anyway. Some of you probably want to see this.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Fetishes and Domestic Harmony

Fascinations is a better name than fetishes. Call it a fetish and I see archeological artifacts with no function (or purpose, to the inventory catalogers) as “fetishes”. Of fascinations (or, fetishes) I have several, and one: red hair.

After several years without, my redhead wife (W) walked in sporting new, younger hair. It was red, but not her red. Her red long ago morphed into brown with growing hints of grey and white over the years. She always frosted, or sloppy-dyed, except for one refreshing moment before kids that revealed the beauty of her red.

My fascination with red did not start with W. She was a logical interval, but girls with orange carpets dominated my relationships and ‘puppyhood’ long before. Back then, red was common to pre-teen girls and turned rare as they matured. Fortunately, red is popular now, and genetics are helping multiply the most dynamic of coiffed looks.

So, W slammed the front door and announced that there was no way the poor stylist could make money. "She was such a perfectionist!" That meant W liked the basic haircut--a second time in our coupledom--and the stylist. Then, W dropped the proverbial ticking bomb, even though I am so callused to the explosive errors it makes little difference. “She insisted on starting with red. ‘It will make you younger.’” Yes, you do look younger and better without all of the blonde highlights. I patted myself for comprehending the double entrende of her thoughts and statement.

She sucked my praise in and glowed while she described a bunch of color match stuff that meant nothing to me. I prepared her dinner of leftovers and mumbled at appropriate moments. I said nothing about the alien red she sported. It was OK. A red not worth cold silence for a week if I admitted the truth.

Again, she positioned another bomb. It was the doozey, but in her mind the natural progression of human caring and sharing …

“I told Trae she needed to fix your hair.”

I have lost count of all the solutions W has found for my perceived failures and flaws. The worst was her ‘Personal Banker’ who still has her hocked to the gills and 30% usury after running up card debt to the limit within six months of opening the account. All of it in overcharge fees. A shark I smelled, that only perturbed W when I warned a couple days after the heinous attack.

The “fix” for my hair reminded me of an at-home stylist friend of a friend I had to try at W’s pressure. I walked away from that experience with untouched sideburns. Apparently, women’s stylists are restricted from doing certain basic cuts due to licensing limitations. Like a guy with a hangover on Sunday morning and no knowledge of state regulations is going to complain when his sideburns are trimmed.

To ease away from the cold silence potential, I reminded W of my recent fiascos with an alternate chop shop, and that I really enjoyed my crooked and gay relationship with my lady of fifteen years who knows how to keep my sideburns straight.

Soon after, we retired. Me to my snoring and W to her micro-waved dinner. I sneaked peeks and wondered how dye could make hair look like Google’s “e”, in gummy bear transluscence.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Tuesday Trivia

1. My girlfriend always laughs during sex — no matter what she's reading. ~ Steve Jobs

2. Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone I love. ~ Woody Allen

3. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. ~ Tom Clancy

4. You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. ~ Steve Martin

5. There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. ~ Lynn Lavner

6. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ~ George Burns

7. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. ~ Woody Allen

8. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. ~ Sharon Stone

9. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal

10. According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. ~ Robert De Niro

11. There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? ~ Dustin Hoffman

12. There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

13. Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. ~ Woody Allen

14. I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes. ~ Anonymous

15. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner, Tin Cup

16. I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. ~ Anonymous

17. Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex. ~ Geoff Spear

18. For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches. ~ Stacy Nelkin

19. The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes. ~ Scott Roeben

20. Nothing makes you forget about love like sex. ~ Staci Beasley

22. I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading. ~ Anonymous

23. Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression. ~ Faye Wattleton

24. There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be. ~ Norman Mailer

25. If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right. ~ Anonymous

26. I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible. ~ Leslie Nielsen

27. I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me. ~ Scott Roeben

28. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. ~ Robin Williams

29. An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. ~ Aldous Huxley

30. It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom. ~ Joan Rivers

31. If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

32. Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin

33. My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'. ~ Emo Philips

34. When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better. ~ Mae West

35. What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap. ~ James Agate

36. I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though. ~ Elton John.

37. My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. ~ Les Dawson

38. I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. ~ Woody Allen

39. A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing. ~ Phyllis Diller

40. The Love Bird is 100% faithful to his mate, as long as they are locked together in the same cage. ~ Will Cuppy

41. Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. ~ Woody Allen

42. My best birth control now is to leave the lights on. ~ Joan Rivers

43. It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. ~ Marylyn Munroe.

45. Oh Lord give me chastity, but do not give it yet. ~ St Augustine

46. The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. ~ Honore de Balzac

47. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. ~ Woody Allen

48. Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure. ~ Bob Hope

49. I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women. ~ Bernard Manning.

50. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. ~ Joan Rivers