Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Tuesday Trivia

1. My girlfriend always laughs during sex — no matter what she's reading. ~ Steve Jobs

2. Don't knock masturbation — it's sex with someone I love. ~ Woody Allen

3. I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. ~ Tom Clancy

4. You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither. ~ Steve Martin

5. There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL. ~ Lynn Lavner

6. Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. ~ George Burns

7. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand. ~ Woody Allen

8. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships. ~ Sharon Stone

9. Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. ~ Billy Crystal

10. According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. ~ Robert De Niro

11. There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem? ~ Dustin Hoffman

12. There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked. ~ Jerry Seinfeld

13. Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. ~ Woody Allen

14. I love sex. It's free and doesn't require special shoes. ~ Anonymous

15. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner, Tin Cup

16. I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. ~ Anonymous

17. Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn't had enough gratuitous sex. ~ Geoff Spear

18. For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches. ~ Stacy Nelkin

19. The only difference between friends and lovers is about four minutes. ~ Scott Roeben

20. Nothing makes you forget about love like sex. ~ Staci Beasley

22. I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading. ~ Anonymous

23. Just saying 'no' prevents teenage pregnancy the way 'Have a nice day' cures chronic depression. ~ Faye Wattleton

24. There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be. ~ Norman Mailer

25. If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right. ~ Anonymous

26. I like my sex the way I play basketball, one on one with as little dribbling as possible. ~ Leslie Nielsen

27. I have no luck with women. I once went on a date and asked the woman if she'd brought any protection. She pulled a switchblade on me. ~ Scott Roeben

28. See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time. ~ Robin Williams

29. An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex. ~ Aldous Huxley

30. It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom. ~ Joan Rivers

31. If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all. ~ Rodney Dangerfield

32. Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy. ~ Steve Martin

33. My girlfiend said to me in bed last night' 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine'. ~ Emo Philips

34. When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better. ~ Mae West

35. What's wrong with a little incest? It's both handy and cheap. ~ James Agate

36. I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though. ~ Elton John.

37. My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects. ~ Les Dawson

38. I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. ~ Woody Allen

39. A terrible thing happened to me last night again - Nothing. ~ Phyllis Diller

40. The Love Bird is 100% faithful to his mate, as long as they are locked together in the same cage. ~ Will Cuppy

41. Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night. ~ Woody Allen

42. My best birth control now is to leave the lights on. ~ Joan Rivers

43. It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on. ~ Marylyn Munroe.

45. Oh Lord give me chastity, but do not give it yet. ~ St Augustine

46. The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin. ~ Honore de Balzac

47. My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty. ~ Woody Allen

48. Happiness is watching the TV at your girlfriend's house during a power failure. ~ Bob Hope

49. I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women. ~ Bernard Manning.

50. I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For three years my husband and I slept on bunk beds. ~ Joan Rivers


  1. Mae West, upon receiving the news from her valet that there is a group of 12 men waiting at the front door: "Send one of 'em home...I'm feelin' a little tired."

  2. Yes, Mae needs her place on the list.